Here’s a secret— on Rt. 1 in Pelham (Exit 7 off the Hutch) there’s an Exxon station with a touchless car wash. It’s great if you’re worried about your car getting scratched by brushes or those noodle things.
Another secret— just minutes away from the car wash is Royal Caribbean Bakery and its addictive Jamaican spicy beef patties.
For $1.50 you get a heavenly pastry filled with steaming hot, deceptively spicy ground beef. I don’t know what makes the pastry so golden and flaky, but I imagine it’s spelled L-A-R-D. Whatever. I consider it an occasional car wash treat (unless a Royal Caribbean Bakery opens in Rye, in which case my arteries are in trouble).
For the uninitiated, I’ve found through trial and error (mostly error) that there’s a proper method to eating a beef patty:
1. Take a small bite off the corner to expose the inside and release the steam.
2. To avoid this— Oww, f**k, aaaagh, s**t, son of a!— blow on the patty to cool it off. Whooo, whooo… One more— whooo… Good, now you’re ready to take a real bite.
3. Hold the patty upright— otherwise, you risk hot ground meat sliding out of the pastry, plopping onto your shirt and scalding sensitive body parts. It’s happened. Bad times.
4. Enjoy and savor the rest of your tasty treat.
5. Walk quickly to your car and drive away before the temptation to buy three more patties overwhelms you. Don’t look back.
Sounds easy, right? Wait ’til you get to Step 5.
Royal Caribbean Bakery
620 South Fulton Ave.
Mt. Vernon, NY 10550
914-668-6868